made it past the one month mark
wow, weekend is over. can't believe it's been one month. in order to recover from friday night, i pounded my body through a ridiculous sweat inducing workout. that was very good. what was not so good for my soul was what i did after that. i proceeded to clean out my closets. sounds harmless enough, except for the fact that i ended up going trough loads of pictures from years ago. this included numerous pics of me and ex looking (and being) very happy. i was surprised that the emotion that came from me was actually positive....making it even more difficult for me to digest the finality of our break up. see -- dumb move. but maybe not completely. i think the positive feeling was one of compassion and also appreciation of the good part of what we shared. us smiling and really meaning it. you can just see the love in that. it's too bad, it really is. i really thought we'd work out. i loved to laugh w/ him, i miss that so much. i didn't throw anything away, but i did consolidate one box for pictures and pictures only. that way i know where they are and can let them be.i did make it to the bday dinner, was good fun w/ good girlfriends - and new friends in general. we made it to dance for a bit. around 2 am a random man comes up to me and tells me i look like the chick from entourage (show on cable tv). my gf gets giddy and proclaims that i look like someone famous. i quip back to the originator of the comment that the chick could be butt ugly. he stammers for a bit and promises that it's a complement and she's blazingly hot. i did break a smile. so this is what the unknown is like. he crashed our party and turns out he's from LA and an executive producer. i guess a lot of people don't believe him so he kept encouraging me to IMDB him. he was totally legit, and quite the ambitious and successful (thus far) entrepreneur.
he was nice, but i'm also really glad he doesn't live here. no worries.
sunday i hung out in the sun w/ my good friend afternoon morphed into evening in a matter of what seemed like seconds.
i am realizing i'm thinking right now, at this point - i don't like boyfriends, and i think i'll be pretty happy if i never have one again. hmmm that does sound a bit bitter or jaded huh? i didn't think i am, but maybe for now i am. i'm not angry, and i do think there are good men out there but right now, i'm just liking not dealing w/ anything at all - plus i have enough going on w/ the upcoming move and travels.
maybe, just maybe i'm not really sure how i'm feeling right now. it's too foggy, things are just all too raw. i am certain i still dearly love the man who's no longer around.
posted by Dancing Diva @ 11:49 AM
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