reNEWal
i'm here i'm here! i just got busy with my life...and, well i wasn't up for writing about the goings-on just yet, was still mulling so much over in my head. this weekend was so crazy, not in terms of partying, but in terms of the range of emotions i experienced.beginning with the house party, where i met my gf and her international crew. i passed on the mint juleps (ewww!) and had some vino. chatted up a few blokes and all around was enjoying myself. then mf (male friend) calls me and asks if i'm up for meeting still. whoops totally forgot. i invited him over to the party, thinking oh he won't come solo. ten minutes later he's there milling around w/ my friends as if he's known them forever. we then went to a few places near by and i found myself just laughing with mf. i didn't think about ex for a good few hours. danced w/ my gf...all in all-- great night, until i came home. i got an email from ex and i felt so sad again.
i know i'm trying to move on, but some of the time, i definitely feel an emptiness...esp when associating w/ some of these new people who don't know me like ex did. it's funny too, the sentiments he expressed in his very candid email were almost identical to what i have been feeling. so of course in my head i start wondering why the f*#k did we not work out? not really the most productive question to ask, i know, because it doesn't really matter. he ended it, and though he tried to explain why (and i do understand why) at the end of the day the why doesn't matter. if i hold on to the why, i'll never move on. when i let go of the why i can still feel tenderness for him, and open my eyes to my path and ME moving forward. at that time though all of this was not entering my head - so i went into a little mini breakdown, mini because a few minutes later i starting thinking about the process of renewal. reNEWal. new.
of course it will feel odd, it's new, and that's my reality. ex was once new too. i became much more gentle to myself, and just let it be. rest of the weekend was much more enjoyable once i wrapped my heart and head around this thought. no need to stop myself from moving on, that's the point, not only of the break-up, but of life!
posted by Dancing Diva @ 2:35 PM
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There's a reason that they say time heals all wounds...
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